I Like Big Books and I Cannot Lie

February 4, 2009 at 6:56 pm | Posted in Rude Poetry | 37 Comments

With apologies to Sir Mix-a-Lot:

[Intro]

Oh, my, god.  Becky, look at her book.

It is so big.  She looks like,

One of those writers’ girlfriends.

But, you know, who understands those writers?

They only talk to her, because,

She looks like a dang librarian, ‘kay?

I mean, that book, is just so big.

I can’t believe it’s just so thick, it’s like,

A tome, I mean – whoa.  Look!

She’s got a stack!

I like big books and I cannot lie

You other bloggers can’t deny

I’ve got my books stacked up in an itty bitty space

And one in front of my face

I read Proust, I don’t think it’s so tough

You might notice I can’t get enough

At the fat books I’m staring

I’m hooked on the book comparing

O Author, I want your signature –

Autographed picture

My dilemma is thorny

A big book has just got to adorn me

Ooh, readin’ women

You say you want to impress my friends?

Well, bring grub, don’t flub

‘Cause we ain’t the average book club

I’ve seen them chit-chat

To hell with groups like that

We read, feed

We’ve got all the discussion you need

I’m tired of magazines

I say fat books are the thing

Take the average reader and ask him that

I got a full backpack

So, fellas!  (Yeah!)  Fellas!  (Yeah!)

Has your girlfriend got a book?  (Hell yeah!)

Tell her to share it!  (Share it!)  Share it!  (Share it!)

Share that heavy book!

Baby got book!

(Pulitzer Prize, Man Booker also)

Baby got book!

I like ’em thick, and big

And complicated like Trig

I just can’t help myself, I’m actin’ like a recluse

Now here’s my excuse

I wanna get it home

And ugh, read all night, ugh, ugh

I ain’t talkin’ bout Netflix

‘Cause some books are gonna be my picks

I want ’em real thick and juicy

So find that juicy novel

I might even grovel

Lookin’ for a book in my hovel

I don’t waste time watchin’ videos

At the mall shoppin’ for clothes

I am not a bimbo

I’ve got the book readin’ mojo

A word to the lit crit sisters, I wanna get with ya

And discuss literature

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna read

Till the break of dawn

Books got it goin’ on

Novice readers won’t like this song

‘Cause when they just don’t get it, they quit it

But I’ve got the need to read

If it’s long, can’t go wrong

When I’m down to get some fiction on

So, Larry!  (Yeah!)  Mary!  (Yeah!)

If you wanna check out my library  (Yeah!)

Then come around!  Check it out!

Even frat boys got to shout

Baby got book!

Baby got book!

Yeah, baby… when it comes to reading, Cosmo ain’t got nothing

To do with my selection.  Say you’re only on page 36?  Ha ha, ‘m already in chapter three.

So your reading tastes are shoddy, rather work on your Pilates

Everybody’s more impressed if you are good at karate

The literati don’t care none

Unless you read books, hun

On the bus, in the bathtub

But please don’t lose that book

Some people don’t have the attention

For literary invention

They see a book and leave it

I see it but I don’t believe it

Cosmo’s about fashion

Not the bookish passion

When you’re at the mall and you’re contemplatin’

Some readin’ meditation

The pointless features in the magazines:

They just ain’t the thing!

Give me a classic, or I’ll go spastic

Ring it up on the plastic

Some knucklehead might have missed

All the classics on my list

He’d rather sit around, watch TV

Won’t be able to compete with me

So ladies who have books around

And who might want a Scrabble throw down,

B-O-T-H-E-Y-E-S

Is the blog for your thoughts

Baby got book!

Bookmark in the middle of a paperback [4x]

…Writing a spoof of “Baby Got Back” was much harder than it looks!

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