BT, DT, MAWR

January 14, 2009 at 12:06 am | Posted in Rude Poetry | 1 Comment

People sometimes ask how I read so many books. I’ve always replied that I don’t really do anything else with my free time. What I’ve left out is that it wasn’t always this way. Why, I’ve done lots of things!

Been There, Done That, Might as Well Read

Who says my life is other than full?

I have ridden a mechanical bull!

I’ve marched in the Rose Bowl Parade

(The clarinet is what I played).

I went to Cancun to swim with dolphins

And searched on eBay for collectable tins.

I can dance from mambo to fox trot

And cook up quite a meal in my crockpot.

I got married in the Church of Elvis

And dislocated my hip (but didn’t break my pelvis).

I went to college for a history degree;

I came in second in the county spelling bee.

I wrote and performed in an Elizabethan masque,

And if you want to read it, you just have to ask.

I’ve studied French, Japanese, Spanish, and Greek

- and Latin – but I read them better than I speak.

I once got my toes sucked in public, on stage,

Though I blame that now on my callow young age.

I’ve been in the paper and then on TV,

Met a talking crow, and even hugged a tree.

I’ve ridden with sled dogs and in a limousine,

Gone on horseback, and in a submarine.

I’ve gone out in public dressed as a Viking

And four times I’ve taken the risk of hitchhiking.

I can do the limbo lower than three feet

And I’ve ridden a unicycle two yards down the street.

I’ve been to New Zealand, Las Vegas, and LA,

The Grand Canyon, Central Park, and Bodega Bay.

I’ve been exorcised and had my palm read.

After all those things, I’d rather read instead!

I don’t want to snorkel or learn to sky dive

Just leave me alone until Chapter Five.

You can have your hang glider or hot air balloon,

Climb Mt. Everest or land on the moon,

Win at bingo or join the Senate -

Right now I’m busy with Elizabeth Bennet.

I don’t have a tattoo or a navel ring

But otherwise, I’ve done about everything.

I don’t care if it’s all the rage,

I’ll just skip all that and finish my page.

I’m not motivated by pride or greed -

Been there, done that, might as well read!